Here I go again...

   Writing from somewhere in the clouds....12 hours ago, I had minimal packed. Anxiety low, my Ma and I were finishing the "Tori Farewell Tour" that according to her has been going on for over month. These past few frigid days in Chicago made it a tad easier to leave. I won't say that I'm numb from saying g'byes, but I can say I cried less. Brittany came by to provide her professional level of packing and tell me what was reasonable to bring (Judge Brit let me slide with more clothing than I needed, but hey I'll look cute this time around!) All packed by midnight. Time for my last glorious long, hot shower. One last cuddle in my bed with my favorite pillows and one short short nap before my alarm screamed it's time to go. Immediate anxiety hits me. I do not want to get out of bed. My mind is racing a million thoughts to a second. I climb in to my Ma's bed and say let's just try again next week. I prefer my bed than a 530am flight on Spirit Airlines. I squeeze my annoyed kitty one last time and promise to return. The closer we get to O'hare the more I want to turn around. Why do I do this? What the hell is wrong with me? At least this was much more tame than before I took off for India (I bawled to my friends, "whyyyy the f am I going to India?") I got myself out of the car, gave a big hug and kiss to my lovely Mama, my forever taxi driver and into the airport I went.I assumed I'd have problems with Spirit, only because everyone does right? My backpack was just shy of the 40lbs limit and they could care less about my yoga mat attached on the outside. Too easy. Security's a breeze and as I stepped in to the terminal, I felt every anxious bone in my body disappear. I quickly realized this is what I do. This is what I excel at and this is why I do it. What is it that drives this anxiety? Comfort? Attachments? Security? It seems so hard in the moment and seems laughable to me now. People tell me I'm brave. That they could never do what I do, but honestly once the goodbyes are said, the bags are packed, and you are on your way to a new part of the world to explore none of that matters. If this is a dream or desire you crave yet you are too scared to take the leap, reach out to me. Skype me: @bohochicago, Facetime me: viktoriasteinhaus@gmail.com, email me, comment on here I am more than happy to talk you through an experience I promise you will not regret nor forget.And here I go again. Back to sharing dorm rooms with loud, young Westerners. Back to wandering cities for hours at a time. Back to wearing the same clothes for days. Back to carrying everything I own on my back. Back to cheap street food and mediocre local lagers. Back to not knowing which day of the week it is and not knowing where I'll be a week later. Back to cheap, usually uncomfortable public transportation. Back to climbing ancient temples and traversing through breathtaking mountains. Back to haggling over every last penny just so I can go parasailing, diving, or any other thrilling extreme sport. Back to spending hours in coffee shops reading or just chatting to locals. Back to where I fell in love with life, where I reached new levels of happiness, and natural highs I never knew existed. This life is far from glamorous and most of the time not the easiest, but I am ready to dive back in. Bring on my más o menos español and let the wandering begin. I'm looking forward to sharing as much of my experiences as possible and I'm (almost) always here for a good chat.Cheers to all you lovely people xTor