The Ups and Downs of Living Abroad

On June 27th, 2012 I left my home soil for the first time in my 23 years of life. My yearning to travel started young, yet it took me that long to finally apply for my first passport. Once I did leave, my wanderlust only grew. 3,282 days later, I’m still living abroad.

It’s not always been easy, but it’s opened my eyes and my heart in ways education and life in my own country (USA) never could.

As an ex-pat on the road for so long (although New Zealand has been home for almost six years), I’ve been through the great and the no-so-great, in other words, the ups and downs of living abroad.

Quick background of my travels, feel free to scroll down to get to the main content:

After years of trying to plan abroad travel, I sent a text to a co-worker after she told me she was heading to India with her sister (a person I’d never met). I asked if I could join and I’m forever grateful for that spontaneity. We spent five weeks in a yoga teacher program living at Parmarth Niketan Ashram in Rishikesh, India. From there we continued north in the Himalayas and joined a 10-day silent Buddhist meditation course at Tushita Meditation Centre in McLeod Ganj, Dharamsala. We continued north into Manali, Leh and explored the Ladakh region. Kate, the sister I’d never met, and I continued to travel around India for five months while her sister flew home. Once we neared our India visa expiration date, we booked flights to Melbourne, Australia to find work, top up our funds and travel again. After six months in Melbourne, I headed back to Asia doing a massive tour including the following countries: Thailand, Malaysia, Taiwan, Philippines, Indonesia (only Bali), Cambodia and Singapore. For four months I hopped around meeting up with friends and traveling on my own before returning back to the States to work and live until I could escape again. During that time I took a mini Eurotrip (Dublin, UK, Paris and Amsterdam) and also did a two-week stint in Guatemala. Ryan (met working together in Melbourne) and I decided to meet up and backpack across South America. We spent over five months touring Peru, Chile, Argentina, Bolivia and Colombia before heading home and refueling for our move to New Zealand (October 2015). For the past six years, we’ve explored all over New Zealand’s two islands while taking trips to Myanmar, the States, UK, Italy and Mexico. I’ve seen a lot, but barely scratched the surface of my travel dreams. I’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and I will forever be grateful for taking that first leap into incredible India.

first days in India (hotel outside Delhi, walking to our ashram, rooftop views from Parmarth Niketan, Rishikesh)

Friends:

upside

While backpacking, traveling and living abroad, opportunities to make international friends happen almost every day. It could be a 5-minute conversation at bus stop or while cooking dinner in a hostel and next thing you know, you're friends on Facebook, saying "If you're ever in (my neck of the woods), hit me up." Now you have a local friend to catch up with in a country you've always wanted to go to.

For example, I met a great Dutch crew when traveling solo in Malaysia. During my time in Europe I stopped through Amsterdam for a few days to catch up. I absolutely love experiencing "the local way" as much as possible and rather than the typical tourist spots, my friends showed me their city. Ryan met two lovely Peruvian girls while in SE Asia and we met up with them in Lima and had a wonderful time exploring their city. The list goes on and on, but what I'm getting at is that the world opens up to you. Friendships are built across the globe bound by random connections. I’m still friends and follow people I met years later. I love seeing where their life has taken them and knowing that if I showed up in their city one day, we could catch up and reminisce about that time we…

One crazy time that was entirely by chance but worth sharing was on Ryan and I’s last day in South America. We were swimming at Playa Blanca on Colombia’s Caribbean coastline and I notice a girl walking towards the beach that looked so familiar. I asked her friends in the water if her name was Eva and sure enough it was. I met Eva on the boat over to Koh Pha Ngan, Thailand and I spent the next few days hanging out with her and others for Full Moon Party. Two years later completely by chance, we found ourselves catching up in the Caribbean Sea. Pretty wild.

Melbourne crew (including my now husband) // running into Eva on a beach in Colombia // Dutch friends I met in Malaysia

downside

I miss my friends. I have great friends, amazing friends back on US soil that I miss with all my heart. From grade school to high school to university to post-college to Chicago and so on, my heart aches whenever I miss an event, a wedding, a new baby and so on. It’s been even harder during COVID times as our yearly trips home have halted. I'm thankful for iMessage, FaceTime, Snapchat and What's app, but it’s not the same. When I do return home it feels like I never left and I savour every second I have with them. Hence, it is a downside.

home crew (the ones I grew up with) I miss everyday

Duzi crew, mix of college and post-college friends who I’ve spent many late nights/morning dancing with at festivals and gigs

Work:

upside

Working abroad opens your eyes to how other countries function.

While I grew up in the rat-race, believing I needed a job straight out of college and to keep climbing corporate ladders to succeed without taking time off, I knew spending my best years in a cubicle was not for me. From 16, I worked in hospitality and almost always worked multiple jobs even while taking on a full class schedule at university. The hospitality industry taught me hard work and how it can pay off especially in the tipping culture of the States. It is also a skill I was glad to have once I went traveling.

I found work fairly easy in Australia where I learned an entirely new way of hospitality. No more bussers, barbacks, food expos and so on. We did every job, dirty and difficult. I was paid a very good hourly rate and earned back all my taxes and superannuation fund(401k/KiwiSaver/retirement savings) – a great benefit of working in Australia. I also made lifelong friends and met Ryan so it really paid off ha!

Working holiday schemes like the ones I’ve done in Australia and New Zealand are great for those wanting to replenish their travel funds, but also see if living abroad is something worth doing. Canada and Germany are two other countries that offer similar travel work visas. Work could be doing reception hours or cleaning at a hostel, teaching English to locals (or online), instructional work such as snowboarding, skydiving, hang-gliding, surfing, etc. Opportunities are everywhere and only growing with more people working from home. Bali has become an epicenter for digital nomads. Living in beautiful bungalows surrounded by rice paddies and eating cheap delicious food doesn’t sound too bad. Many countries offer seasonal farming work during harvest season (think wine regions), au pair work is available across the globe – basically what I’m saying is there is work wherever you go if you want it.

It might not be what you are used to, but it’ll give you a life experience that’s truly priceless.

And worst case, it’s a great way to make friends.

downside

Many downsides can fall under this category depending on job opportunities language barriers, visas and more.

You may be restricted due to a language, but this will also give you a chance to learn/practice a new language. You may be restricted to tiring work like farming and cleaning. Depending on where you are, pay could be less than ideal. Even with a say engineering degree, you may be turned away from jobs like this on a certain type of visa or not allowed to work at all. I’ve met enough people working under the table for cash where work visas were impossible to obtain or when their work visas expired.

And if you do want to obtain a longer work visa, the struggles that come with it are stressful, expensive and heartbreaking. We’ve been in New Zealand for almost six years, starting on a working holiday scheme visa. Since then we’ve applied for five more work visas (denied two) each time spending a pretty penny to do so and needing to submit an unnecessary amount of paperwork and proof. With each new visa we apply for, the other (partner) needs to apply for a new one, plus a new one for our Lia. We must show police reports from our home country each time even if we haven’t returned in years and every three years we need a new medical exam and chest x-ray costing $600 each time per person and so on.

It’s not easy. I’ve lost too much sleep over it. We’ve had to cancel international trips and miss a friend’s wedding because of visas. And now thanks to ole mate Covid-19, we can’t leave New Zealand and return because we don’t have residency status which is an entirely other issue.

What I’m trying to say is that extended work abroad can be very difficult or completely impossible (Australia is even harder). But, if you really really want it, there is usually a way. Doing a student visa, marrying a local ha or finding the right company that will support you.

Hashigo Zake (who first sponsored me) work crew running a beer festival

Comfort zone:

upside

Say goodbye to your comforts and hello to a new way of life. By planting yourself in a new place, you learn so much about yourself. Your resilience, your independence, your ability to be brave and take chances. The convenience of your old life is gone. You may find similarities, but it takes work. You can’t depend on your friends or family being there to help you. It’s truly a time of self-realization. It teaches you to be your own person and gives you the ability to control your life and choose exactly where and what you want to do.

I completely understand how comforting home can be. How easy it is to stay in the same job you don’t really enjoy because it’s terrifying to start over. What if you can’t find something better? What if you make the wrong decision? What if you fail? What if, what if, what if. What if you’ll never know what your life could become if you never try. If living abroad and experiencing a new way of life is something you truly want to do, let go of the fear and trust yourself. The hardest days are the biggest lessons and when you succeed, the reward is only greater.

By stepping out of your comfort zone unleashes a new side of you. It breaks your mold. Your routine. It pushes you to socialize with strangers, to try things by yourself maybe for the first time. I’ll never forget when I was backpacking solo in India and staying in a freezing cold solo room in Darjeeling and I awoke with a strong sense of anxiety that continued to grow the longer I stayed in bed. I was terrified to go out on my own, counting down the hours of daylight I had left. What would I do all day? Once I finally got dressed and left the guest house all my fears disappeared as I wandered through the mountain town while the sun beat down on my face. I made friends while eating solo at a restaurant mentioned in my Lonely Planet and ended up spending the next few weeks trekking and hanging out with them.

I experienced things I never would have if I didn’t take the chance, the risk.

Downside

Your comforts are gone. The things you rely on are gone. It’s hard. You’ll have low moments. You’ll want to go home. You’ll call home. You’ll wonder if you did the right thing, but the thing is – all you need to do is shift your mindset.

There will be struggles and battles with yourself. There will be really hard days, but don’t give up easily. Talk about them to other expats. Share your fears with your family. Sometimes you just need a boost of confidence from a stranger or familiar face to remind you why you made the choice in the first place.

Hampi, India 2012

Location:

Upside

Your life abroad may have taken you across the globe – to the other hemisphere like it did us, or maybe just a short plane ride away, but regardless, a new city/country means a new place to explore. You’ll have the opportunity to travel around visiting new sights, dining at new eateries and falling in love with a new place. Finding your new local spots and learning your way around a foreign supermarket sounds boring, but I enjoy it so much.

Another possible bonus (depending on your family relations) is that you’re far from your old life. You’re no longer able to attend family events and endless social events and this may be freeing for some.

There is also a good chance you’re near other countries, ones you haven’t been able to travel to.

Although New Zealand is quite isolated down here, we’re an affordable flight away from Ry’s sister and friends in Melbourne (pre-Covid times of course), plus heaps of Pacific Islands we have yet to explore.

Downside

The downside of this of course is being so far from family and friends. Missing big events because you’re far away sucks. The FOMO is real when you see your friends together at a festival or wedding. You can no longer hop in your car to see your best friend. You can’t go to Mom’s for a good home-cooked meal. If you do want to travel home, it’ll probably be expensive and while you’re home you’ll be rushing around so much, it’ll be over before you know it. It happens to me every time even when I stay longer and longer.

And I’m sorry to say, the goodbyes never get any easier.

A New Appreciation

Upside

You’ll find a new appreciation for life. Not only because you’re experiencing a new culture and new way of life, but it’ll make you appreciate the home where you grew up. It will make you value time with friends and family while visiting home. It makes you reflect on your past and on your present and realize none of it would have happened if you didn’t take the chance of leaving it all behind.

Maybe you’ll be ready to go home after a year. But I promise you’ll feel changed. You’ve gone and experienced new things while everything else back home has stayed exactly the same.

downside

The travel blues are real when you return if you plan on staying home. The realization that the experience is over can be hard to accept. Although more opportunities are out there if you wanted to go live abroad again.

Or a downside could be the realization that you never want to return home. Ryan and I arrived here never expecting to stay so long and make it home. We talk about moving to the States, to Europe, but every time we leave, we find ourselves ready to come home to this tiny two-island country. It’s bittersweet and hard to know if we’ll be here forever. If we’ll always live so far from family.

It’s even harder with the pandemic stopping us from returning home to see our family. We usually see them at least once every year, but it’ll be almost three years by the time we see them again :(

life experience

upside

I promise you will not regret this decision. The experience you gain from working and living abroad will only make your resume/CV stand out (if you care about that). You’ll learn how other cultures function, you’ll learn their traditions, quirks, sayings, and so forth. You’ll make lifelong friends, do something you never could in your hometown. You’ll never forget those months, years or who knows maybe you’ll meet the love of your life on the other side of the world and start your family in a new country. You’ll realize that the world is much smaller than you think and that it’s possible to do make this shift in your life.

I have no reason to write a downside to this section. There is none. Regardless of the hardships and challenges, this experience is one nobody can take away from you. You will grow. You will change. You will do what humans are made to do. Adapt. And I promise for the better. Traveling and living abroad, made me a better human.

It opens your eyes and your heart. Never forget that.

If you have any questions regarding anything I said above or anything I didn’t, please feel free to reach out or comment below.

If anything I hope I can inspire you to do what I’ve done if that’s what your heart desires.

All my love,

Tor