Why I Chose a Home Birth + How I Prepped
My journey to an empowered birth experience
In this post, I share why I chose to have an empowered, natural, fear-free home birth for my second child. I talk you through my previous (hospital) birth, how I changed my mindset, and my process of planning a home birth.
Feel free to reach out with any questions, I’m always happy to chat all things related to pregnancy, birth and kiddos.
First off, I want to acknowledge that all births are special and unique regardless of the way your baby enters the world. The most important thing is that you and your baby are healthy.
Why I decided to home birth
Before I ever became pregnant, birth terrified me. Films and tv shows portray excruciating pain. Stories that are passed around are usually traumatizing and for most people, these are the only experiences we have with birth. When I found out I was pregnant with Lia, I swear I wanted a c-section. No pain, all the drugs, didn’t want to “ruin” my vagina, screw bringing her into the world naturally, I thought. As the weeks went by, my mind changed as I learned more and more.
Next I decided, ok, no c-section, I don’t want the scar and the recovery sounds too difficult, especially with zero family nearby. So let’s go with definitely drugs, definitely vaginal birth.
We took antenatal courses in Wellington and our midwife group was a hospital birth-only option. It wasn’t until I shared my pregnancy and started to talk to others about birth that I learned how common home births are in New Zealand. Growing up in the States this is almost unheard of. Never in my right mind would I think of having a home birth or even think it was an option until I was too far into my pregnancy to change my mind. After hearing such amazing, positive stories, I started dreaming of one even though I know I’d have to birth in the hospital.
I didn’t do too much research or read much more other than what I learned in our antenatal courses and what I talked about with the midwives. I don’t want to say I regret anything from Lia’s birth, but I do regret not taking the time to do more personal work and understand more about the birthing world.
a run down of Lia’s birth story
Read her full birth story here.
I was eight days overdue and woke up to light cramps, excited knowing this might be it. By that night they ramped up and I was pacing in our hallway as I felt the surges radiating in my hips. We timed them and around 3am decided to head into the hospital where I found out I hadn’t dilated at all (I found out I was at 2cms at my midwife appt that day).
Frustrated and tired, I was offered morphine to get to sleep and I took it. I regretted that choice when I was spewing in the bathroom for the first time my entire pregnancy. While it helped me sleep, it made me feel loopy and out of control. After a few hours of sleep, I was still hadn’t progressed and my midwife offered to break my waters to see if that would help — it didn’t. Then, I was given a choice: head home until I was further along or be induced. I was also told I had the last private room and many women were coming in for inductions that morning (it was a full moon, which usually means full maternity wards).
Going home felt like failure. Coming back later to be placed in a shared room sounded worse, which led me to accepting the induction. Next, I was told I could either get an epidural now or possibly not at all as the anesthesiologist had a busy morning. I tiredly accepted, worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain. Also knowing that with an induction the surges come on much more intense.
For some reason the meds weren’t working and I was stuck in the hospital bed unable to move through the contractions. Eventually the midwives got it to work and Ry went off to grab food as I relaxed and updated my friends and family. I was told I had hours, but not long after I felt pressure down low and my midwife checked and sure enough bub’s head was there. I sent Ry a text, he rushed back and I began pushing. Construction next door made the walls rattle as I pushed our baby girl into the world, and I also learned my blood pressure was rising during this stage. The birth/delivery all went well, but then I was forced to stay in the hospital for five days due to my blood pressure changes.
I cried begging them to let me go as I felt great. I was sick of the bright lights, of random people coming into my room, loud noises constantly going off, and the very average unfulfilling food. I’m grateful they offered vegan meals, but without Ryan bringing more food and snacks I would have been starving.
I’m not upset about my experience, but I did long for a different one the second time around. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the healthcare system here and my midwife team, I just wanted to avoid as much intervention as possible the next time.
I didn’t reflect too much on her birth until I started dreaming again about a home birth. Not only did I hear incredible stories from within New Zealand, but a few people I follow on IG shared their beautiful experiences making me long for it.
When I became pregnant with number two, I knew I wanted to try for one.
I yearned for the intimate experience.
I dreamt of laying in my own bed post-birth.
I wanted to feel empowered knowing my body could do this.
Part of me wanted to challenge myself to have a natural birth experience.
And I knew if I birthed in a hospital my chances of intervention or asking for pain relief skyrocketed.
At this point, we knew we wanted to move to Queenstown so although I reached out to the same Wellington midwife group, I also searched for a midwife in Queenstown. The first six months of the pregnancy, I saw the group in Wellington and informed them of our move early on. I honestly love that group of women, but again I knew I was ready for a different experience.
Then, I found Grace. She popped up on my search and something about her felt right. Her name, its meaning, that I lived on Grace Street in Chicago, I don’t know, something just felt right. I actually emailed another midwife first referred to from a pregnant friend in QT, but she was fully booked and she actually suggested Grace, which made me realize my gut choice was right. Grace offered all three choices for birthing: home, Lakes Hospital (the local QT hospital, more like a birth centre as they cannot provide c-sections, epidurals, etc.) and the Invercargill Hospital (which is over two hours away). By choosing her, I still had all my options in case I changed my mind or needed to go to the hospital. In case of an emergency, I would be taken to Lakes in QT, then helicoptered to one of the bigger hospitals. Pretty insane, but something she experiences on the regular. When I first met her, I was blown away by her relaxed, calming vibe. We chatted for over an hour (something that would never happen in the busy Welly group), and honestly, most of our appointments have lasted that long. We chat about birth, baby, her wedding, travels and everything in between. She is a dream and I’m so grateful I have been in her care.
Now there is a good chance those that are reading this are not in New Zealand and therefore don’t understand the birth system so here’s me attempting to explain how it works.
New Zealand birth system
New Zealand does birth differently than most of the world or at least from what I grew up within the States. Here, once you find out you’re pregnant, you search the Find Your Midwife database to start contacting possible midwives. They have profiles that share their background, experience and how they can support you during birth. Some are hospital-only, some birth centre, some home birth, some a mix of all three. Midwives are overworked and in high demand in New Zealand so as soon as that test turns positive, it’s best to start searching and emailing. They are highly trained and experienced and they are the experts for normal pregnancies. Obstetricians come in if more medical attention is required or the pregnancy is high-risk (multiples, etc). You may choose to see a private OB, but you’ll pay out of pocket. Your midwife will also refer you to an OB if needed. Under a midwife, and as long as you are a citizen, resident or on a 2+ year work visa like me, the entire pregnancy and birth is free except for one or two ultrasounds ($40-$60) and paying for parking at the hospital. mind-boggling compared to the system I grew up in which includes an intense amount of added stress to deal with insurance companies and the price of giving birth. Let’s just say after I found out about NZ’s system and that I was fully covered, I knew I wanted to give birth here. Not only do you receive a stipend of paid maternity leave (28weeks), your midwife does home visits for your first six weeks of bub’s life. No going to a dr’s office where kids are sick with your newborn and your healing body. This at-home service is what every new parent deserves across the world (understanding why I’ve stayed in New Zealand for so long?)
If you’re curious to know more about how it works here, feel free to reach out or comment below. NZ’s midwife program is highly regarded across the globe and as more women are waking up and learning about empowered births, the demand for midwives grows.
Birth Prep
Well, I’m just going to say this now, sorry, this is going to be a long article. I could write endlessly on all this subject because as soon as I opened my eyes to empowered birthing experiences, I became fascinated by all of it.
In my early days of pregnancy, I started prepping. I’d listen to birth story podcasts while running or going on walks and I began imagining my birthing space and manifesting a calm, home birth. My lovely friend Carmen sent me Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, which became my “bible” throughout pregnancy. It starts by sharing a plethora of birth stories gathered by Ina from her time at the Farm, a highly recognized birth centre in Tennessee. For those new to the birthing world, you may want to jump forward and return to the birth stories after reading her teachings on childbirth.
The biggest takeaway is that she reminds us how natural childbirth is, how empowered you can feel by allowing your own body to birth without medical intervention. She talks of the history and how and why, births became so medical, the ins and outs of all types of intervention and ways to help you have a healthy, fear-free birth. We were never meant to give birth lying on our backs in a hospital bed with our legs in stirrups. Actually, it can hinder labor and birth time. We’re meant to move through the surges, take primal positions, and most importantly listen to and trust our bodies. Ina talks about the importance of the mind and body connection, sharing stories of how simple affirmations helped open up laboring women. It is honestly eye-opening and it gave me confidence in myself.
On top of reading this, I did the following this to prep:
Ate a healthy plant-based diet
Took long walks almost daily
Did squats and pelvic floor exercises whenever I remembered to
Did yoga (more yin-style, long/deep stretching)
Listened to birth stories on podcasts. Favorite ones were:
Australian Birth Stories (I listened to a mix of stories, but mainly concentrated on homebirth, waterbirth and natural births)
Hilary Duff’s homebirth story on Informed Pregnancy
Changing the Birth Narrative by Deliciously Ella
Only allowed for positivity around birth talk and I chose to only share my plans for a home birth with a select group of people to avoid any negative connotations.
Once I was in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I did the following almost daily:
Ate dates
Drank red raspberry leaf tea
Affirmations
Mental walk-thrus of my dream home birth
Perineal massage (although it should be called perineal stretching because it’s far from a massage) in the bath
GentleBirth mediations and hypnobirthing sessions
Antenatal expressing
Sex - one of the coolest things I learned in Ina May’s book is that “semen is the most concentrated source of prostaglandins” which help our bodies prepare for labor and help ripen the cervix (TMI?).
Curb walking/uneven walking (helps baby’s head drop into the pelvis and push on the cervix)
As I stated before, I had been envisioning this birth for years. When Ryan was viewing properties for us in Queenstown, the first one he sent, I immediately thought, I could birth there. As soon as we signed the lease, I began manifesting the birth in our home.
Affirmations, images and words from the women closest to me
Hearing from birth stories that water can subside some of the pain during labor, I decided to order a birthing pool from Aquabub which included a large pool to fit two people, hoses + connections, a pump and a liner. The hire period is for five weeks and it was a breeze to order, receive and send back. I’d highly recommend this company if you’re in New Zealand.
As the weeks got closer to the due date, I reached out to the ladies in my life who knew about my home birth plans and I asked them to provide a photo or words for my birth vision board. Knowing I couldn’t have them by my side and I wanted to feel their presence with me throughout the process.
Creating this board with their beautiful notes, encouragement and photos was another great reminder that I was capable of this birth experience.
My main affirmations I used before labor and through labor were:
I trust my body, my mind and my baby.
I can open.
I can do this.
I am having a fear-free birth.
Surrender
This is temporary.
As the due date arrived, I began receiving messages from all of my loved ones. “Anything yet?” “any update?” and I started to get down on myself that my baby would be late, that my friend Ashley who was going to be my doula/birth photographer wouldn’t be able to come, that my neighbors would be home, that I’d go too late past my due date and need to be induced and on and on. I started to become upset and doubt the entire process.
The next day, I decided to turn around these thoughts. When I had the house to myself, I did a little “letting go” meditation ceremony. I played music, lit incense, poured tea and sat and wrote out everything I wanted to let go of. Let go of my due date, let go of other people’s expectations, let go of worries, fears, etc. I felt lighter and in a much better headspace after this beautiful little ceremony . I text my friends and family reminding them that I’ll let them know when labor starts and I turned my phone on ‘do not disturb.’
I enjoyed the last few days with Lia and two days after the due date, we took one last family hike as three.
We slowly hiked part of the Moonlight Track just across from our neighborhood and we took in the beautiful golden sun pouring over the town. We laughed, sang, snapped some photos and Lia was her happiest. It was exactly what we all needed. And thanks to the uneven terrain, I think this little hike was exactly what I needed to get our baby down into position.
On top of the letting go ceremony and this hike, two more things happened that I honestly think helped labor kick in.
That night post-hike, I climbed into bed early and noticed I received a text from my mom, “I kept thinking about you all day and tonight and wondering how you’re feeling and wishing I was there for you but know you’re in good hands and still can’t believe how strong and smart you are and that I actually grew you. Love you so much. xo”
At first, I was apprehensive telling my mom I was having a home birth, knowing she’d worry, and she did, but these were the words I needed from her to let me know she trusts me and knows that I can do it.
Next, Ry came in and told me not to worry that when babe is here, he is here to help, cook, clean, take care of Lia and so forth and although I knew that, I didn’t realize how bad I needed to hear it. It was like everything aligned at the right time.
The next morning I woke up at around 3am with light cramping and that night I delivered our son, in our bedroom in the pool, exactly as I dreamt of.
Oli’s birth story coming soon.
I had a few questions about the birth. See below for the Q & A’s
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Question: Why you made the choices you made considering this birth (what did you learn from Lia’s)?
As I stated above, I wanted a different experience. One, I realized how common home birthing was in New Zealand and two, I was completley re-educated on the birth process. Birth is the most natural thing on earth. We go to a hospital when we’re sick or in pain and women have been giving birth naturally, at-home since the beginning of time. I also learned (thanks to the Ina May book) the side effects of many of the drugs they give you at the hospital and how they can be much more dangerous than allowing our bodies to labor naturally. I truly believe that my blood pressure problems were a result of the concoction of drugs put in my body during Lia’s labor.
Question: What items are key for post-partum?
Post-partum definitely looks different for everyone. Here’s what I was grateful to have this time around:
Period underwear, I still used pads for the first weeks, but I honestly loathe them.
Hot water bottles to help with post-birth pains (your uterus contracting back to its original size) and I used them on my back as I believe I pinched a nerve giving birth. I took paracetamol for this as well, it was only bad the first few days.
Many women make padiscles (frozen pads - google it).
Nipple balm or coconut oil or simply use your own breastmilk to put on your nips after feeds.
Nipple pads so you don’t leak through everything. Night sweats are common within the first two weeks so just be aware of that.
Find a good, large water bottle that is one-handed (needing two hands to twist off the top is hard when a newborn is attached to you). I have this Contigo one.
Quick and easy frozen meals and plenty of calorie dense snacks (nuts, peanut butter, avos) for milk supply and energy.
Because it’s summer and I’m also chasing around a toddler, I’ve been drinking an electrolyte powder every day to stay hydrated.
Question: How did you decide if you were comfortable with homebirth, who was with you, etc?
I decided before I was pregnant that I would try for a home birth knowing how normal they are and that I had access to free care for one. With my researching and constantly listening to positive home birth podcasts, my confidence grew and I believed in my own power to have one. I let go of the fear. I understand it would probably be the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, but there’s a reason it’s called labor and I reminded myself that it would be temporary.
Ry was with me, of course, and my wonderful friend Ashley as well. When I was planning this, I first looked into having a doula, but options are limited here. My friend Ashley not only had already given birth naturally, she has wanted to study midwifery and do doula training for years. Knowing how caring and supportive she is, I knew she’d be perfect to be a part of our birth team and she was. She helped with Lia, helped me through contractions and wonderfully enough took photos and videos. My midwife along with a backup midwife were also there for the birth.
Question: What happens in a homebirth if something is medically wrong with the babe?
It is a law that there must be two midwives present for a home birth in case both the mother and baby need any medical attention. They bring heaps of supplies to the birth including oxygen and meds. If anything was noticeably wrong, an ambulance would be called and we would go to the local hospital then flown to one of the larger hospitals via helicopter.
Question: Did you read any books, listen to podcasts to prep for birth?
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth was the only book I read, and dogeared pages to re-read. I also watched some of her talks on Youtube (google her Ted Talk). I subscribed to the Gentle Birth app for guided meditations, hypnobirthing sessions, breathwork and pelvic floor exercises. This also came with a course book, online portal and heaps more, but I didn’t feel the need to do them. And I listened to at least 3 birth podcasts a week mainly from Australian Birth Stories. I love Sophie’s voice and interviewing style and her very large catalog is organized by type of birth, which made it easy for me to choose what I wanted to listen to. I stuck to home births and water births to keep my mind focused on my goal. She also has a ton of resources on her site including a free perineal massage guide and birth courses.