First off, I want to acknowledge that all births are special and unique regardless of the way your baby enters the world. The most important thing is that you and your baby are healthy.

The story

Six weeks ago, I was holding my son who I had just given birth to, in a pool, supported in the water by my husband, in my own home — the dream birth I had manifested over and over. The moment I’ve been replaying in my head for years finally happened and it couldn’t have been more perfect.

I’m not going to skip out on any parts so this is your warning for another lengthy blog. As if I’m recording a podcast as the many I listened to throughout my birth prep, I’m going to tell every bit of it because I’m obsessed with birth and the telling of these beautiful moments we can witness.

It was INTENSE. Insane really. Trying to put myself back in that water at the height of it all makes me miss it already – which is crazy. It’s such a powerful experience and truly a testament to how amazing our bodies are.

I’m going to dive in without any back story as to why I yearned for this birth. If you want to learn about that and how I prepped for this day, then check out my last blog post on why I chose a home birth. I also mentioned how I think I kickstarted Oli’s Birthday the night before.

around 3am, january 8th

I woke up. I could immediately tell it was still the middle of the night by the darkness seeping through the curtains. Usually, a wake-up at this time calls for a bathroom break, but this wasn’t that. I felt a twinge, a light cramp, just like a period cramp. I lay there and smiled, immediately thinking this could be the start of something. I waited and sure enough, another came minutes later. Trying not to get too excited and to attempt to get back to sleep, I opted out on looking at my phone for the time.

As I tossed and turned, my mind raced.

I still needed to make a list for Ryan of things I wanted him to set up, ways to help me through the labor and a packing list for the hospital for me and baby just in case…

I held off as long as I could but, I finally gave in and I checked my phone, 4:30am. From then on I started timing the little surges that felt uncomfortable, but manageable. Seven minutes apart, 10, 14, a bit all over the place, but still continuing. I furiously typed out lists on my notes app for Ry and when I finished, my racing mind calmed and I fell back asleep for a little 20min power nap. And I’m glad that’s all I managed because when I woke up, I saw color pouring through the window.

I quickly wrapped a blanket around me and sat outside on my yoga mat to greet the day knowing this beautiful start would be the day I met my baby.

It was a peaceful moment between us and the world.

It just felt right.

As I came back inside I considered texting the other part of the world where my family and friends were going about their day, but I decided to keep my little secret to myself. I climbed into bed with a smile on my face, excited for what was to come.

Eventually, Ry woke up to me staring intently at him around 6:30am and I immediately blabbed everything that’s happened since I woke up at 3am.

He got up and I tried to relax in bed knowing I wanted to take it easy in the first stage of labor. I had no idea how long this labor would last and if it was anything like Lia’s it could be days until my babe arrived.

Cuddling a hot water bottle in bed, I could hear Ry cleaning up and as much as I tried, I couldn’t fall back asleep.

Around 7:30am, I texted my friend Ashley, “good morning, keen for a roadie?”

Months ago I asked Ashley to be a part of my birth team. Knowing how calm, caring and positive her energy is, plus her love for all things birth made her the best support person. Someone who I felt comfortable with that could help with Lia, but also with me. Becoming involved in the birthing world has been a dream of hers and I was thrilled to have her witness her first birth with me. The only problem is she lives four hours away and she has a toddler herself.

But thankfully, labor started at the perfect time that Saturday morning and she immediately hopped in a car to head our way.

While I relaxed, Ry took Lia shopping for food and snacks for the day and I enjoyed a slow morning. I showered, started chatting with friends and I distracted myself through the surges. I didn’t time them or pay much attention to them but I noticed if I was moving around they continued and they slowed down when I rested. Ry made a delicious roasted red pepper pasta for lunch and I managed to take another power nap before Ashley arrived.

The day was hot. I think it was one of the hottest days we had all summer. I put on Encanto, danced with Lia, FaceTimed friends and family and I breathed through the surges when they came. At this point I could still talk through them, I’d bounce on the yoga ball and use the massage gun, which deserves a paragraph itself, ha!

The massage gun came my contraction companion. My surges come into my hips/lower back section and the massage gun gave immediate relief, loosening up my muscles as they tightened. In all honestly, I think this funny little machine helped shorten my labor time. Rather than fight against the surges, it helped me relax and focus on my affirmations. My go-to was simple, “I can open,” imagining myself open as each surge arrived.

While I chatted with my best friend Kelli back home, I realized they were getting more intense. Over our hour Facetime, she noticed the difference and around 7pm I got off the phone. I decided to take some solo time and sit outside. I stretched on my yoga mat (mostly down dog and child’s pose), bounced on the yoga ball and decided it was time to stop distracting and go into this.

Around 8pm, it started to ramp up and I decided it was time to try the water.

I listened to enough podcasts to know the benefits of a birthing pool. It can help ease the surges, reduce the chance of tearing, but it can also slow down labor.

Ry had set up the birthing pool in our bedroom and filled it partially earlier in the day. He hung the fairy lights and set up the candles and the rock salt lamp diffuser with lavender (following my notes I wrote earlier that morning).

Honestly, I was a bit hesitant to step in the pool because I had no idea where I was in labor. I tried to feel to see if I could tell if my cervix was opening, but it didn’t feel any different. I became disheartened and panicked for a sec wondering how long this will go on for.

I assumed I was hours away. That bub would arrive in the middle of the night. That I’d get in the pool, move to the shower, hang on the pull-bar bar, moo on my lawn (ha), but I did not expect what happened next.

Once I stepped into the tub, everything ramped up.

the photos below are taken by our wonderful friend Ashley Chaoudhry ♥️ edited by me

As Ry and Ashley ran around getting Lia to bed, I tried to find a comfortable position. At this point, I was making noise through the surges. Low, deep moans as I breathed down towards baby. The only position that worked for me was on all fours, a great position for moving baby down and one that allowed my birth team to help me through them.

At some point, Ashley made the call to ring the midwife to come. I stayed in my birth pool bubble, feeling like I was in my own world under the tall inflatable sides.

I kept my eyes closed for almost the entire labor, focusing on my breath, affirmations and staying with the surges. Accepting them, not fighting them while keeping as calm as possible.

I heard Grace enter quietly and chat with Ashely and Ryan. They had been using the massage gun and putting pressure on my hips, the only place I felt the surges. Grace came over and with both hands pushed exactly where I needed it with the best pressure.

Between the surges, she checked bub’s heartbeat (great) and chatted with me. Never asked to check me, just let me continue to do what I was doing.

Not long after her arrival, I begged Ry to get in. They were becoming stronger and the comb I was squeezing as hard as possible wasn’t cutting it. I felt a bit alone in that big tub and needed him.

The surges continued to ramp up and I dug into Ry through each of them. At one point, I lost control. I let the surges overtake me and felt a panic. The “shit, I don’t think I can do this for much longer.” Grace checked the heartbeat again and it had raised. She immediately grabbed my drink (an iced lemon-lime hydration water) and encouraged me to have a sip and to focus on my breathing. An increase in heartbeat may be from dehydration, but honestly I think it was me letting the panic set it.

I quickly changed my mindset. First, I reminded myself that I was an ambulance and a helicopter ride away from the nearest hospital with the drugs. I then, thought of my affirmations.

I can do this.

I trust my body.

This is temporary.

I pictured other women giving birth at that exact moment. I thought of my ancestors, of all women who have given birth surrounding me, supporting me.

I tried to take myself “out of body.” Nope. I could only breathe. Only be present with the present. Only think of that current state I was in.

After one surge, I felt a pop. A few seconds like I heard Grace say, I think her waters broke. I shook my head and said yes, I felt the pop. That gave me confidence. My baby was coming.

And not long after that, I felt the strong urge to push. It was what my body had to do during the surges and I went with it. In between surges, I wondered if I was getting close, but surely I couldn’t be. I’ve barely been in this pool long. I didn’t want to say anything worried that I jinx it or find out I was ages away. I didn’t want an internal exam to see how far I was, I wanted to trust my body and so I did.

I pushed through the contractions and soon enough felt relief from my hips, my baby moved down the birth canal. From that point I could only use the break between surges to catch my breath before the next came. I could kinda talk again and I felt excited.

Then, I felt a burning. The ring of fire. “Holy fuck,” I thought. I’m here. My baby is crowning. This is happening.

Throughout my labor, Grace, Ry and Ash would keep encouraging me. Like little fairies surrounding me with positive affirmations.

Grace vocalized that the head was here and Ry was shocked, having no idea we were that close to meeting bub. He, like me, thought we’d be in the pool for hours.

My body took over and it was as if I could only push. I couldn’t control it just had to go through it.

The pushing stage was an entirely new sensation. So much pressure. So intense. The rest between pushes were longer. We smiled, I breathed and waited for my next roar. Soon enough bub’s head was out. I reached down and felt his little head in my hand.

I then gave it my all. I pushed two or three times to get his shoulders and body out. I always wanted to catch my baby, but in that moment I knew it wouldn’t happen. I couldn’t move, hell, I stayed on my hands and knees for the entire labor in the pool. We decided Grace would catch bub, I’d roll over supported by Ry and she’d bring the baby to my chest.

I did one more massive push and felt his body leave mine. That moment of him being in the water and being picked up felt weirdly long although it was only seconds.

I turned over and she moved bub onto me.

It was wild.

Somehow and so quickly our baby was in our arms.

It was an overwhelming moment. A holy f, I did it.

He was on our chest for a while getting wrapped up in towels and having the warm water poured over him.

And after a few minutes, we decided to check the sex. You can see our reactions below.

Our son.

I couldn’t believe it. This guy was in there the entire time. It was an incredible moment I wish I could re-live over and over.

I finally said hi to the backup midwife who arrived right before transition. I was in disbelief at how quickly it happened. I got in the pool around 8pm, the midwife arrived around 9pm and I delivered him at 10:12pm. I pushed him out in 15 minutes! I did it. I birthed him on my own with my support team around me. We chatted, took note of the music which was incredible through the labor and birth. Earlier when I was outside meditating into what was about to come, I turned on yoga girl’s New Years’ Intention playlist on Spotify. I did the intention-setting ceremony just after the new year and loved the music. This playlist continued to play the next few hours continuing with similar songs and it was perfect. I never touched the playlists I actually made for the event. I’m still listening to it today and certain songs bring me back to the beautiful moments of his birth.

Link to the playlist if you’re interested

click the three dots and play the radio to hear what we listened to, Trevor Hall, Leon Bridges, etc

We stayed in the pool as my contractions continued for the release of the placenta. Originally, I was told I’d have to get out after the birth and receive the steroid to release my placenta due to my low iron stores, but my midwife let me stay in the pool and deliver it on my own. At this point, the pool turned red and I concentrated on my newborn son as the surges came back. Around 20 minutes after his birth, I pushed out the placenta.

We did a delayed clamping, waiting for the cord to go white and stop pulsing. Ry cut the cord and soon after he got out and took a quick shower then climbed into bed. Our son was passed to him as Grace slowly helped me out of the pool and into the shower.

It was surreal.

And for those wondering, my blood pressure was fine (it went up during Lia’s birth, I believe due to all the intervention). It raised slightly near transition and was back to normal after delivering.

Climbing into our own bed was amazing. No bright lights, no machines beeping, no people coming in and out, just us and our son cozy in bed. The midwives hung around and eventually checked his vitals, birth weight, etc. She helped him latch, which was a bit difficult because he was congested from the birth.

Ashley snapped photos and video. She fed me and we relished in the moment.

We decided to keep Lia asleep. She apparently fell asleep 10 minutes after he was born clearly too excited to sleep knowing her sibling was coming.

The midwives checked me and I had a small tear in my perineum and I had the option to let it heal on its own or receive two stitches. I chose the latter and after an intense pinch from the local anesthetic, Grace quickly gave me dissolvable stitches.

Around 1am Grace left us. Ashley put on the first diaper and dressed him for bed, then tucked us in and climbed into our guest bed.