The Story about bean

Life is about to change. Majorly. Am I ready? Can anyone really be ready for what’s about to come? I doubt it, but I know that the best (and probably hardest) days of my life are just a few months away.
*Photo: Pouakai Tarns, Egmont National Park, the day we found out about our babe*

I’ve wanted to write about my pregnancy from the start, but in those first few months, I was always worried about what people would think. Silly and laughable now, but there is a lot of uncertainty and worry in the first trimester and keeping it a secret until you’re out of the possible miscarriage zone makes you overthink.

Since I could remember, I’ve always wanted to start a family and as I grew older and people in my life began having children, the urge for my own slowly crept up each passing birthday. I sort of had an inkling and pictured myself with a little one before ever making it down the aisle. I actually envisioned my first born to be a part of the day somewhere in the future.

It wasn’t until I fell madly in love with Ryan while traversing through South America that I truly realized this future wasn’t too far off. When you wander country after country for over 5 months with someone you love, you end up talking about everything and anything, including children.

We moved to New Zealand and I became more broody as Ryan would say (aka clucky, baby hungry). I half-seriously, half-jokingly told Ryan I wanted to be pregnant the year I turned 30. He laughingly agreed although I knew he was a bit hesitant at the idea happening so soon.

We never started trying, but I’d find myself disappointed each month when I clearly wasn’t pregnant. The end of August we traveled around Myanmar and I came home with a cold and nasty cough and 10 days later, I flew home for a friend’s wedding. I was constantly tired, but after so much travel, jetlag and running around Chicagoland, why wouldn’t I be. You can ask all my friends I saw, I repeatedly joked that I hoped I was pregnant at that moment. It wasn’t until the end of the short trip that I realized I was a few days late, but I just chalked it up to the hectic traveling and sickness. Then, on the last day when I always get anxious because I’m not ready to leave, I finished packing and I was immediately hit with a blinding migraine and immediate wave of nausea. I had to crawl into bed forgoing saying goodbye to my best friend. I woke up early for my flight and it hit me, I might be pregnant.

I hugged my Mama goodbye, boarded the plane and started going through the week in my head. It all added up. By this point, I had shared the possibility with Ryan and promised I’d wait until I was with him to take the test. Needless to say, it was an extra long flight home. I felt sick again at night and swear I could smell everything in sight. He drove 8 hours straight from Wellington to pick me up in Auckland (amazing man right?) and that night we slept in our campervan talking about the possible future babe. When I woke up to the first light of the day, I decided it was time to finally see if I was right. Positive within seconds. No faint, unreadable, questionable lines, but two bright pink lines staring back at us saying yes, you are going to be parents. We calmly laid back down and held each other. There wasn’t a sense of panic or worry, it just felt right. We started driving and talking and the more we did, the more excited we became.

My first trimester was pretty easy. I was tired, but afternoon naps helped. I got migraines, but I eventually realized I could solve that with a coffee a day. I felt nauseous, but only when I felt hunger pains and as soon I ate, I felt fine. My Burmese cold lasted much longer and my cough came back strong, but eventually, that passed too.

At 10 weeks, we met our midwife team for our first appointment. At 12 weeks (which we actually found out we were at 13 weeks), we saw our little bean moving and waving on the ultrasound. Easily one of the best feelings in the world. My energy came flooding back for the second trimester. I’d wake up early and enjoy super productive days feeling better than ever. Yes, I’m having one of those annoying pregnancies where I feel fucking amazing. I quickly realized how much I love being pregnant knowing I’m growing this little human from inside. We bought a new campervan that included a third seat for the new member of our family and found our dream home. I started feeling movement around 23 weeks. I never imagined how crazy it would be to feel something stirring inside of you. Very alien-like in the coolest way possible.

And now I’m 30 weeks, officially in my third trimester and waking up every morning with a bigger and bigger belly. My back is starting to ache and Braxton-Hicks are kicking in, but every ounce of pain is worth it. I sometimes feel a bit anxious at night which goes away with a bath, a camomile tea and a book, but for the most part, I’ve felt super calm throughout this journey.

Ryan thought he’d be terrified, but he finds himself in tears, he’s so happy and excited for the babe to enter our lives.It seems like everything is falling into place perfectly and we couldn’t be more ecstatic and ready for this new chapter in our life.

I know that this little babe is about to teach me a whole new world of love and I cannot wait for the day I hold him or her in my arms.

70 days and counting...

All my love,

Tor

The Story about Bean